Self-questioning

Time passes so fast. I am 19 years old today and currently taking JPA scholarship and facing AS Germans. It's also the time for me to redeem myself before stepping into the entrance of uni's life.

I am a buddhist. What have I done then?

Always respect my parents and appreciate them? Yes I managed to do it.
Always endure and having patience no matter in what situation? Yes, I managed to do it.
Always putting others in the first place compare to self? Yes, I managed to do it.
Always wearing a smile while meeting others and making others happy? Yes, I managed to do it.
Forgive everyone no matter for what they have done? Yes, I managed to do it.
Always helping others with a kind intention without requesting anything? Yes, I managed to do it.

Gladly and sincerely, I managed to carry out most of the teachings. It seems that I can walk up straightly and facing other proudly since I have done the right things.

What else I have done for myself?

Thinking about my own good at most of the time? No, I cant do it.
Make myself happy or release the anger while I am sad? No, I just endure inside and engulf it.
Spare some time for myself and listen to my own heart? It's very rare.
Quarrel and argue with others to protect my own beliefs? Sometime yes, sometime no.
Use my time wisely? No, I always procrastinate.

What? I think I cannot face myself ler. Feel so ashamed for myself. When can I, at least think for myself, and be selfish just once?

My teachers and my good friends keep reminding me, that I am too straightforward and too kind, will be cheated by others easily and be used. I get hurt more easily in the future.

Nah, I am who I am. We should carry out our beliefs and do what we think is correct. Anyone support my view please...

Hopefully, I still remain who I am after 6 years, when I back to my homeland again. =)



doubleo.cbh